january...

an illustrated life update

Hi there. I hope everyone’s taking care of themselves. It’s not an easy time to exist or just generally take up space — especially if you live in the U.S. and you’re not a cishet white man.

It’s been hard for me to do much of anything these days, but I’m trying to embody the notion that simply showing up on the page and creating, even shittily, can be an act of resistance. So here’s a little update about me…

[ Alt text and Image description: “The past few weeks have been difficult. It seems like my past few Januarys have been chalk-full of struggle, fear, and pain. I just learned about the term “traumaversary” in therapy — that made a lot of sense to me.” An illustration of calendar reading January, with a handful of days blocked off for things like “trauma”, “panic attacks”, and “struggle”. ]

[ Alt text and Image description: “It feels like I’ve been living in a cyclone of fear, shame, and dread for a while. With the biggest distraction gone — being a college student — my negative thoughts and ruminations are all I can hear. I’m stuck in the tornado of my thoughts.” An illustration of myself within a tornado, speech bubbles conveying negative thoughts like, “Get me out!”, “I’m not safe”, and “I don’t belong”. ]

[ Alt text and Image description: “Almost every morning I wake up with a pit of dread deep in my stomach. This fear of existing isn’t made easier by the news or notifications on my phone (Trump). Some days I get past it, some days I don’t. But every night I lie in bed reading, I count that little joy as a win.” An illustration of me lying in bed reading with my foster cat. ]

[ Alt text and Image description: “I’ve been struggling to come onto Substack. I get overwhelmed immediately — at a loss what to say or share. I can’t always create unless I’m present, and days like these I like to listen to podcasts to replace my own thoughts.” An illustration of me with my headphones on. A speech bubble comes out of the headphones that says, “And this is… Sibling Rivalry”. ]

[ Alt text and Image description: “And I want to be able to offer some profound connection or conclusion about my life right now. Turn it into some witty essay. But there is none; only uncertainty, the feeling of being stuck yet lost at the same time. All I can do is wake up and make my tea every morning, hoping today will be a better day.” An illustration of a hand pouring tea from a large teapot into a mug on a tiled counter. ]